Normally I try to not lean too much on serious issues. I'm the girl who laughs too loud and makes a joke out of everything, even when the punchlines hit below the belt.
For this post, I guess I'll have to dig a little deeper.
This girl is it.
She's tough - but not as tough as she'd like to be.
She's stubborn - though sometimes easily swayed.
She's funny - yet not many people see past the forced laughter.
This is me.
For as long as I can remember, I've never liked myself. There was (and is) always, always, at least one thing I wish I could change about myself. When I was 5, it was the gap in my two front teeth that my classmates teased me about; at age 9 it was my extreme shyness and by the time I was 13 it was my height. Then through high school it was all about how I looked to boys. They made fun of my freckles, my nose, my weight, even my voice.
Although I've grown drastically from that young, timid girl, I can't help but feel like I'm not as good as I should be. I'm not a size 6 (nor do I ever expect to be), I'm still on the chubby side and my voice is drenched in a southern accent when my dialect floats to the far corners of my mind. And I refuse to leave the house without eyeliner. Braces "fixed" my smile and joining the soccer team in middle school helped to break me out of my shell. Oh, and I'm now classified as average height.
But this is who I am, flaws and all.
It's taken me a long, long time to be semi-comfortable in my skin, but God has a plan. (Jeremiah 29:11), I just wish he'd fill me in on it. He made me and He knows what he's doing, so I just need to calm down.
But to answer the question, I'm my own insecurity.
I think you are lovely; you are fearfully abd wonderfully made:)
ReplyDeleteThank You!
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