Skeptical

I'm a skeptic. Who knows the reason, but that's just how it is. I wonder what some people's motives are and can't help but make up scenarios in my head when someone is being unusually and uncharacteristically nice to me. This could stem from being played for a fool too many times in my life, but then again I'm not a psychiatrist.

In third grade I learned the only reason one of the most popular girls in my grade invited me to her birthday party was because she wanted the brand new Glitter Hair Barbie. Unfortunately, another girl got her the blond doll, so when I gave her the one with auburn waves (myself being a carrot top at this point in my life) she acted less than thrilled. Needless to say, I wasn't her friend after that and wasn't invited to her party in the fourth grade.

Then there was a teacher once who I had a complete personality clash going on with and that made it difficult if I ever needed any help with the coursework. One day, though, I couldn't quite get the hang of an assignment and I asked her for help. Expecting her to tell me to ask a classmate like she usually did, she surprised me by walking to my desk and showing me herself. Whoa. For the next two weeks I was on my toes, wondering why on Earth she was so dadgum nice to me. I finally did realize that on that particular day, there was an additional student in the class, only he wasn't a student at all, but rather a member of the school's board who was evaluating her performance. It figures. Never again did she come to my desk if I had a question.

Then there was that super cute guy in one of my college classes who asked me to a big frat party. He said to be there about 11 and I was, but I found out that he only asked because he and his girlfriend would need a DD back to his apartment before the sun came up. That night was a waste of eyeliner and double sided tape.

Nowadays I don't trust anybody, but it's both a blessing and a curse. I rely on first impressions and gut feelings when dealing with new people. Usually I'm right, but there are instances when I'm not. Recently, I've been given another reason to question an individual and I really wish I could give the said person the benefit of a doubt, but my gut feelings are interfering. My instinct has been wrong before, but I can't help but think this person is out to hurt someone I love for his or her own personal gain.

So do I sit back and let it happen or try and warn my dear friend of the ugliness I foresee lurking around the corner. People have to make their own mistakes, right? So here I am with one eye on the predator and another on my friend. Let's hope I can help before its too late, or better yet, let's hope my skepticism is just getting the best of me and no tears will be shed.

The virtue I'm working on

Technology is a funny thing. Personally, I consider myself a child of such technology. My cell phone is rarely more than 3 feet from me, I have an external hard drive full of thousands of songs and pictures. My iPod is loaded, my CD player has hundreds of albums to choose from, my camera stays in my purse fully charged and I wireless internet in a restaurant makes my day.

But, with having all these means of communication at my disposal, I think I get a little too wrapped up in it sometimes. If I try to call someone and they don't answer, I leave a voicemail in hopes they'll return my call as soon as they can. When I email someone who I know is in their corner office with internet pulled up at all times, I expect a response within a couple minutes. If I send a text message, I want a reply immediately. Everyone has their phoned bolted to their hip, right? However, while technology is lightning speed, life isn't.

Recently I've been dealing with this thing they call patience and I am sad to report that it is making me lose what little mind I had. Text messages that (in my world) should take a couple minutes to get a result from are now taking hours. Phone calls I thought would come weeks ago aren't lighting up the lines and through all the "e-this" and "i-that" stuff we have around us, there are way too many things I have to wait on. But 300 years ago, any news was delivered on horseback and took forever. If you were sending word to a cousin in the next state that you were on your deathbed, they wouldn't even hear about it until after you're 6 feet under. Wives would go for months and years without hearing from their husbands during times of war and still they dealt with it while they made lye soap.

This makes sense in my head, I hope I'm not losing any of you.

I guess my point is that if it weren't for technology spoiling me and cutting time in half in just about every aspect of my life, when it comes to living my life, I'm too impatient to let nature take its course and do its thing. But on a positive note, while I'm sitting here on the porch swing being patient and letting life do what it does, I can play Tetris on my phone while I make homemade soap.