Pitter Patterage

I believe in love.

Kind of.

I believe that "till death do us part" actually means something to some people. Take my grandparents, for instance. They've been married for 64 years and love each other more today than the day they said "I do."



While long marriages are good and great, I also believe that some people will never find someone to share their piece of forever with. But that's not what I'm gonna talk about today, that's another episode on the soapbox entirely.

Today is all about what comes before the 64 years of wedded bliss.

Before forever can cross your mind or the L-word pass through your lips, there is something else, right? Something you can't define or put your finger on but you know it's there. It's like an electricity going through you when your Beloved comes into view. It's a look, it's a feeling - one I've only been given by 2 people in my entire life. (This feeling isn't love by any means, so don't think I am or have ever been in love with those two lucky men, because neither of them will ever hear those words from my mouth.)

Continuing, I call this feeling "pitter patterage" but you can call it what you want. This excitement is the look I described back in May when I was overcome by the heart flutters in a local establishment in downtown Mayberry. And the source of that look still gives me the pitter patters, although it's really getting old and by "old" I mean I like it, relish it and frankly I enjoy it, but it can stop at anytime because my poor heart just can't take it.

That is the source of today's post.

I'm all for someone making my heart go wild every time I see them, but only if the feeling is mutual. Dual pitter patterage is the best pitter patterage. However, in my current situation it is one-sided with no hopes of ever being more. Now the tricky question: Since I know nothing will ever come of this feeling, why is it still there? Why does this person still have that affect on me every time we speak? How does one text message that just says "hey what have you been up to" make me lose my train of thought and forget my name for a few seconds? What was I talking about again?

See what I mean about being annoying? It's aggravating and I'm starting to think it's overrated, too. Who needs their heart to palpitate uncontrollably, anyway? I make a fool enough out of myself without an erratic heartbeat to further prove my weirdness to the world.

Maybe pitter patterage is all in my imagination and there's really no such thing. Maybe I've hyped it all up to mean more than it does. I probably just have an undiagnosed heart condition. Whatever it is, this feeling is getting on my nerves and I can't figure out how to shake it. Maybe dual pitter patterage is in my future. Maybe it isn't. Regardless, I just wish this one sided pitter patterage I have now would go away and take it's false hope with it.